Saturday, September 29, 2007

When One Door Closes...

Well, a door is shutting and another is opening and I'm looking forward to some relaxation. This month has been so hard, filled with sadness, hardship, rough mornings, rougher afternoons and evenings where you just fall exhausted into a chair and hope you make it to the bed before you're asleep.

The highlights of the month include Dalton having an entire month of 100%'s on all his spelling tests; graduating another reading level and being a top reader in his class; getting 100%'s on all his math quizzes (who has all this in first grade? I'm dismayed at the level and qty of work they have to do.) and having a month of all happy faces in school. He got a badge from his teacher showing he is a great citizen and student. Too cute.

Last week had a call from my neighbor with whom I share some good times in the summer. Her granddaughter and Dalton are great friends and love to share play time so it's a great excuse for Donna and I to spend some down time together. Donna's sister has colon cancer. This is so sudden. She wasn't even sick or feeling badly. No fatigue, no pain. Just a routine yearly check up. They did some blood work and found her to be extremely anemic. Put her in for some routine tests to find the possible area of internal bleeding and found colon cancer instead. My friend, who just started a new job a month ago, was naturally devastated. This is her older sister and her best friend. The surgery went really well and Donna has flown out to be with her for the next three weeks or so to help her get home and get well. So many prayers are going out to their family.

My friend Michelle is in a relationship that is so good for her and her "guy" has finally taken the next step to say yes, they are indeed in a committed relationship. How funny to me that most guys are either really eager to be in a relationship or really hesitant to be in one. Her guy is the latter. This is a huge step for them and it is SO amazing to see her happy.

My almost daughter Aly has started college. I'm so so proud and happy for her. I hope she can maintain her focus and do as well as I know she wants to do. College is so hard, much less going to school full time and working too. I keep her so close to my heart and pray she is successful.

Taylor has officially been gone a month and we've missed him so much. It's been tremendously hard to go through an entire month without him. He surprised us last night by coming home for the night. His dad has given him a car to keep at his grandparent's house for coming home and that's just what he did! He came home! It was amazing to look up and see him standing in the grass with a huge grin on his face. I just grabbed him and hugged him so tightly and cried. Sometimes you don't realize how much you miss someone until they are back. Wow did I miss him tons. Dalton was thrilled to see his big brother and held on as tightly as I did. Taylor's put on a tad of weight but it's all muscle as he's been working out in LU's new Wellness and Fitness Center. He's been doing super well and looks amazing. When we walked back into the restaurant where we'd been eating when Reaves came and got me for my "surprise" my girlfriend Lisa looked up and her eyes got big. She exclaimed, "Wow! He looks like a man!" And he did... so mature and happy.

Reaves was delighted to see his brother too and we were all a bit disappointed when T left to go see Kim for the night but this is going to be the way it is from now on. Their relationship has gotten pretty serious and I'm happy for them. They are a darling couple and I'm proud of them for working hard together to keep this relationship on the good level it's on. Kim's a wonderful girl and we really really like her. I love seeing them together - they're so cute!

Speaking of Lisa, she's doing okay. There are good days and rough days. We've found if we can keep her busy, she's much better off than if she has time to sit and think too much. This is the way with any kind of loss though. Having something to fill your mind is always better than sitting there and thinking of nothing but that person for hours on end. We've tried to keep her occupied as much as possible. Night time is the worst, of course, and we try to be there for her. This is one of those hurts that will take time and lots of it.

And lat but not least, my baby is going to "bed". I've spend three years pouring my heart and soul into The Untamed Scrapper and as I've taken good stock in my family life, I can see where they have suffered. It is time to put Untamed to bed and let her sleep. As much as that hurts me, it's already proving to be a good decision albeit a hard one. I always felt guilty when I couldn't be on line every day. I felt guilty that the View was short, I felt guilty that I didn't have more for the girls. I felt guilty that I didn't have more to post about, I felt guilty about wanting better graphics and not having all the time I wanted to change things the way I wanted. I felt guilty about never having enough money to buy advertising the way I wanted. I felt guilty about so many things. One thing that ate me up was feeling guilty about not being with my own kids more, not being a part of more family things and not doing for my family the way I should have. That's the one that ate me up inside. It gnawed at me and chewed at my heart. It finally became too much and I had to make the decision I did.

The good part is that there will still be a blog... there will still be some fun challenges and scrapping and great eye candy. There will still be prizes and RAKS's and, we will be scrapping for fun! FUN People! I haven't scrapped for fun in so long I don't remember how much fun it really is/was. I don't remember the last pages I did just for me and not for the site using a set of guidelines, certain product, particular theme or technique. And mind you, I've not done a lot of scrapping in the last while.

This month I've actually created a few things just for the fun of it! (Well, not entire true - it's a contest on a yahoo group but it counts coz I WANTED to scrap for a change!) I'm working on this week's layout finishing it up today. I'm thrilled with out well it's coming out and I've enjoyed creating with no pressure. It's sad to not even want to scrap when that's so much a part of who you are. I need this for my own creative outlet and spirit. So now I'm getting to that and loving it.

So, with that, I'll leave you with a few final thoughts on one door closing and another opening.

Good things don't always last but that doesn't mean the good from them doesn't go on.

Good friends stay with you throughout adversities and challenge and good times too... that's how you know they're your friends - when they stick by you during the tough times as well as the fun ones. I can honestly say Untamed has brought me some of my most cherished friends.

While this is the end of the road for the site, it's not the end of the road for our creativity and the joy this craft has brought to us. Blogging is all the rage and challenge and scrappy blogs are such fun! When you've got the talent the Wild WOmen of Scrap have, blogging with them will be awesome.

So, be happy. Remember all the fun. Cherish the friendships you developed.

And SCRAP ON!

5 comments:

Felicia McB said...

so much going on in your life woman! sorry I've been away and wasn't in the loop. Sad to hear that the untamed scrapper is ending, I know how hard you worked.
big hugs to you Lissa!

Going For Greatness said...

You are one busy mama!!
Um.. are you insane? the VIEW was NEVER SHORT. EVER. It has been, by far, the BEST scrapping e-zine out there. NEVER was it SHORT. EVER. So if you stressed that... it was undue stress!!!

I am glad to hear that Dalton is excelling in school! Is he loving it??
I am excited that Taylor is doing so well at college and that his relationship is going strong!!
I am glad you are taking time for YOURSELF for a change. YOU need to do that more often.
XO
~Gabi

OneScrappyChick said...

(((hugs)))

Tracie said...

I'm sorry to hear you have to step back and put aside a part of your life that meant so much to you. However, it sounds like you have made a great compromise in the meantime! I can sure relate to many things you've said too. I'm happy to hear that the kids are all doing well and you're taking your days in stride. God provides for us in ways we can never even imagine! He's definitely doing his work through you. :) God Bless Lissa!!

skrpndiva said...

Lissa,

I'd heard that you gave up Untamed and I know that as much as it hurts that you, my friend, always think out your decisions and you did what you had to for you and your family!

Keep smiling my friend.

Jacquie