Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Posted 10/2/06

At Peace...

Week 3: I'm most at peace when....

Hmmm, let's reflect on that for a sec. Do we really have peace in our lives? I know I have moments of peace and I have times and places where I feel like I'm in a peaceful moment. The hustle and bustle of every day life keeps me hopping all the time, usually without a moment to myself. There's always something that must be accomplished, something that needs attention, or something to add to the "To Do" list. So if someone were to ask me where I at peace in a physical sense, I think I'd have to decline to answer.

Now if we want to talk emotionally or spiritually, it's a completely different answer. I'm always at peace. Sounds hoaky right? Sorry, that's my story and I"m sticking to it.

When you have illnesses or losses in your life, your perspective changes. You begin to realize how short life is and how we're not guaranteed tomorrow. When you wake up every morning realizing that today is a gift no matter what it brings, and you go about your day asking for guidance in conducting yourself in the right manner, with the right words and with the right outcome in mind, it's hard to not be at peace. Yeah, there are times I stick my foot in my mouth. There are times I do something I shouldn't have done in a manner in which I shouldn't have done it. I'm human. But, I'm still at peace with my decisions.

I made a choice a long time ago, a strange one maybe but it works for me. I know it sounds wierd, but I decided that I'd never do anything I would be ashamed to tell my parents about. If you've been reading my blog, you know my parents are pretty special. So, by making that decision, I had pretty big shoes to fill. I would never want them to have to question my decision or my motive. This is the best way I've been able to keep it right where it belongs. Between prayer and parents, trying to remember to behave well, remembering my blessings always, and remembering to give thanks, it keeps me at peace.

Do I have moments of doubt? Sure... who doesn't? Do I have moments where I question myself? Occasionally, but I'm not really a knee-jerk kind of person and most of my actions are thought out and deliberate. It kind of drives Kevin nuts - I'm not a spontaneous person, I don't like to just jump up and go. I like to think about it, I like to plan it and I like to consider my words before I say them. I've been known to stew over something for a good while before making a decision to say something or take action. Even at that, I've usually rehearsed it in my head over and over. I'm like that - I play the scenarios from all possible angles to get the best perspective.

So, I suppose I'd have to say, I'm most at peace every day. Despite moments of frustration, moments of sadness, moments of stress, moments of fear, moments of anger, I'm still at peace. I simple have to trust that there is a more knowledgeable, bigger presence at work in my life. Having that kind of faith has led me to where I am and given me more moments of sanity and joy than I ever would have experienced elsewise to be sure.

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