The 2012 Lazarus Experiment

It's that time of year again.  This is my second year participating in the LE and I must say I'm thrilled to be in it again.  I'll hopefully post all my "meaningful" posts here on the blog so I can hang on to them.  Sometimes when the spirit begins moving, it's all I can do to keep up.  This is Day two, thus my Day 2 post!

Day 2: What boldness will enter my day today? Will it be stepping out in faith to proclaim my hearfelt feeling aloud? Will I step into the waters without worry or care the indeed Jesus will hold me up and carry my week limbs when they can no longer hold me up? Will I trust in Him and what He has led me to and not try to control any situation, no matter how frightening? Will I remember that the road I am on is not of my carving, not my design? Will I breathe deeply when my fears rise up and just "know what I know what I know"?

Yes! Today, I am His. Today I will go where He leads me. Today I will trust that His plans for me are far greater than any I can imagine. today I will allow to be what will be. I will breathe deeply and feel His love and His breath in my soul. Today i will trust that any situation He leads me to He will also lead me through. Today I will be able to take that leap of faith and know that whatever the outcome, he will guide me, lift me up and take me into the heart of the matter and I will be whole because that is what his promise to me is. I will trust like I have never trusted before and I will be GREAT!

As you can imagine, and many of you live daily, my son is at a very impressionable age. He has had a very difficult time going forward without his daddy. in December he was suicidal. We have found an amazing faith based counselor and an awesome spiritual healing center filled with spirit filled people who have held our hands and our hearts, lifted us up in prayer and helped up learn how to put one foot in front of the other. Dalton is doing so much better as am I. I have been reminded, gently and not so gently, that God is in control! We still have a ways to go and my parenting skills (despite having successfully parented two older children/adults now) are being put to the test. But I have more assurance now that He is walking with me, giving me the words and wisdom I need to help get his little guy successfully to the other side.

It's one thing to proclaim my trust but something entirely different to live it. I lost my way but have managed to find my way back. At least I think so. I feel like I am living more in Him and his moments than in my own. I feel as though I have invited Him back into my life and heart after falling, crying for days on end, feeling like I was losing control and touch, feeling such despair and then, ever so gently being reminded He had me the whole time - even when I lamented losing my beloved far too early. Even when i was being told I was different, changing, not myself, losing it and many other discouraging things, I finally realized God would not let me fall. It is wonderful to be back into His grasp, into his loving arms, back into what I believe to be my place of Grace, held in reserve for me by Him.

Today I step out in faith knowing He is an awesome God, My God, My Heavenly Father my Bus driver, Head of my Household. Whatever decisions are made today are made with Him taking the lead. I am thankful, I am loved, I am Blessed!! I'm looking forward to today!