OK. If you didn't get my cryptic post, the challenge for Sunday is to stretch. Could be physical, could be mental, could be spiritual, must be Lazzy. How can you stretch yourself? What could you do that is way beyond "normal" for you? Come on! Jump over the wall of that comfort zone! Do something outrageous!
At first I was quite overwhelmed by this. Before I went to church I thought about this long and hard (not an easy task as 6:30am when I've had 3.5 hours sleep... even with a strong cup of hot tea!). How wonderful that I was confronted with my "stretch" without initiating it myself at all...
Today I got to stretch me and my relationship with my little guy. He has been suffering so since his daddy passed away. After church today we decided to talk together about ways we could spend the day together doing something he wanted to do that I could help with. Soon after we began to chat, we began talking about God and how He has affected Dalton's life. Dalton finally admitted he is so very angry with God. Angry that He took his daddy. Angry that his daddy didn't take better care of himself. Angry that God didn't give him more chances to survive. Angry that God didn't give him his hero, his best friend and advocate, his daddy back. Angry that daddy isn't buried instead of cremated (which was Kevin's choice). So terribly angry that he doesn't know how to deal his own disappointment, sadness and heartbreak and feeling totally let down by God. I allowed him to cry and talk it through in his own mind until he was just in tears and cried it out on his own.
It was all I could do not to interject, point out where God had given daddy chances to change his eating habits, other habits that were equally hard on his body (drinking beer and smoking). It was all I could do to not try and use all my mommy words to stop him in his tracks and pursuade him to not be angry with God and listen to reason. I wanted to really get all that sad, little boy emotion to stop stop stop! Instead, I was careful to let him talk it out completely. (This was indeed a stretch for me as, typical of many women, I tend to want to lead this little boy rather than allow him his random direction in order to get it all out before adding my two cents.)
After he got all his emotions out completely, we talked some more and I was able to help him see why this wasn't God's fault and how good and merciful God was to not let daddy suffer heart trouble like his brother and mommy did and then I said it...
"Wanna go fishing?" (This was his and daddy's favorite activity.) "YES!" Came his loud reply! "YES Mommy! I DO wanna go fishing!"
So fishing we went. I have a friend who lives on a lake so we got out all of Daddy's fishing gear (fresh water) and three different poles, each baited with a different type of artificial bait and off we went. Now I'm not really physically capable of hiking around in the woods, hills, sandy shores, but this was a big day, and my little boy was in serious need of guy activity.
We had a blast. His friend was home, as was his momma, and while the little guys fished and played, she and I talked. I walked (hiked) through the woods, down an embankment, and stretched my legs and did it!
I feel so warmed by God's embrace that today I was able to take my son on a real excursion. I was able to listen and not interrupt him or try and lead him in a different direction, thereby stretching our ability to have deeper more meaningful conversation. I was able to help him stretch his heart a little and let his anger slip away a bit and meld into something a little more manageable (for both him and me). We were both able to stretch our vocal cords singing in church as my little guy sang loudly and proudly right along with me. I feel amazing today and I've got a really happy little fellow on my hands! Thank the Lord for his goodness, love, generosity and strength. For His comfort and the joy He allowed me to experience with Him, Dalton, His amazing world and with our friends. It's been a beautiful day.
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