The Lazarus Experiment - Day Six

Words from Ron today:

So much of what we do is just a lot of flim-flam. 

You drive like a maniac until your mother is in the car, then it's speed-limit city. 

You talk like a sailor at work (sorry, sailors), using swear words with the skill and agility of a master, but tidy up your mouth before you step into your living room. 

You have wonderful things to say about that pastor when you're at church, but you rehearse a whole repertoire of slams and criticisms in the car as you pull out of the church parking lot. 

You go to a party, pick at the food like you were a bird, then hit McD's on the way home for a Double Quarter Pounder Meal - Going Large, of course. 

You flirt with that guy at the office and entertain a little fantasy-world in your head, but you never, ever tell anyone else how close you are to falling off the marital edge. 

A flim-flam life. It's hard to know who you really are. 

Along with all the grave-clothes that Lazarus lost that day, I imagine he also lost any reason whatsoever to play games. And we're not talking tennis or Uno or Monopoly or Super Mario Bros. 

Just think hard on this: You're sick. You're dead. You're naked, and they wrap you up. You're somewhere (???!) for four days. And then Jesus calls your name and tells you to reverse course and come back. 

You're alive again, and come stumbling out. And Jesus tells them to unwrap you. "Take the grave clothes off and let him go." Right there, in front of the crowd that has gathered. Unwrapped and naked. Vulnerable. I picture Jesus holding Lazarus' hand. 

Do you think it mattered to Lazarus? I don't think so. He had nothing to lose. He had no reason to play hide-and-seek anymore. Exposure, freedom, life, Jesus. I imagine it all came rushing in and stuck in his heart and his throat. 

And later - maybe that night, or the next day - as he sat quietly (Martha - "Just take a seat right here on the porch, Lazzie; I'll get you anything you need; you just rest. Do you need anything? Here's some lemonade and cookies. I can get more.") As he sat quietly, sipping lemonade and munching oatmeal raisin cookies, Lazarus determined that he would never hide behind grave-clothes again. 

I wonder if he thought about how many hours he had wasted pretending to be someone he wasn't? I wonder if he felt released from all the various parts he had played in his life-performance? I wonder if he decided that there would be no more drama, no more pretense, no more fake living, no more hiding and bargaining and self-protection. Why take up the time? Why go through all the hassle? Why spend all the energy to be someone you're not?


Jesus had given him a second chance. There was no reason to play games anymore. 

Want to live like Laz? Drop the games. No more flim-flam. Strip off the grave-clothes. You can be vulnerable. Jesus will be holding your hand.

Suggested Scripture For Today: Psalm 103 

Suggested Ideas:
Tell your closest friend or your spouse a secret you've never told anyone else.
Try something you know you're not good at, but something you've always wanted to do.Clean out a closet that's been gathering junk. Pretend it's your life.Confess a sin to God that you've never been honest about before. 

Question of the Day: What's the first thing Lazarus would have talked about over dinner with his wife? 

You guys are awesome.
Ron

Isn't this stuff the best?!

So here is my response to Day Six:

My Flim Flam life.... I try hard to not live this way but I do, on occasion, slip up. I do, on occasion drive too fast yet in the presence of a police officer slow down dutifully. I do, on occasion, have drivers rage but in the presence of my son or others control my thoughts so they don't come out of my mouth. I do, on occasion, say bad words or have a lazy day or get easily frustrated. But in the presence of anyone else watching I am straight and narrow..

I made a promise to myself a long time ago that if what ever it is that I'm getting ready to do is something I would be ashamed or embarrassed to do in front of my parents, it definitely is NOT something I should do at all. Well, isn't God my parent? Do we feel more freedom because he cannot stand in front of us tapping his toe, wagging his finger with his face turning three shades of purple while he struggles to not scream his way into breaking the sound barrier? I think we do - God isn't as in your face as your birth parents are - or is he?

We must remember that God is just as close to us as our own mom and dad, or closer! Because he reside in our hearts, watching every move, every thought, hearing every word. Learning to behave as though someone is watching - as though our closets are perpetually clean - is hard work. But also rewarding work. God will always reward or good behaviors, He will always bestow upon us his blessings, his gifts, his joy, his peace and his love when we are obedient until him.

Today I did not fuss, I did not get fussy at the fact that I had to load my truck all alone for the vendor faire. I didn't fuss when my son literally gave away four of my best bracelets in the sale because they were for his "friends" because after all, they're just like family. I didn't balk when my son and his wife needed me to go to the bank after I got done with the show today. (Read: I didn't hesitate and freely and with a smile offered myself to them.)

Today I smiled easily, laughed out loud, gave up and gave in to living happily, living loyally, trusting and just living well. It felt so good!

The Lazarus Experiment - Day Five

When you have extra anything to play with, it's worth having some fun. 

If you have a little extra money at the end of the month, it makes sense to enjoy yourself. 

If you have a little extra snow in the yard (and almost any snow is extra snow) it makes sense to throw it at somebody. 

If you have a little extra water - a river or a lake or a pond or a pool - it makes sense to dive in. 

Spontaneity is seizing extra time and having some fun. 

I know what you just thought: Extra time?! Yeah, sure! Show me some of that! I don't have "extra time" - can you find some for me? 

Here's something to ponder: all the time Lazarus had once he came out of the hole he was in was extra time. 

Extra time gives us time to play with, time to do something silly, outrageous, fun. 

Extra time provides the space for something unexpected to happen. Extra time gives a big fat green light to spontaneity.

But you're still back there, looking at your watch, wondering when I'm going to finish up this little rant so you can get on with all the stuff on your precious to-do list today. Right? Right. 

If you claim to have new life because of Jesus, the terminus (end) of your life has been removed. "Where, O death, is your sting?" Death no longer has power. The end of our lives is not the end. Jesus brings this to you, in his wonderful package of salvation bennies: eternal life. 

Do you understand what that means? You have extra time.
Something tells me Lazarus would not have fished his Daytimer out of the trash can and begun filling it with appointments and lists. I think he would have left it alone. Or burned it in effigy. Lazarus would have considered every moment a gift, and he would have jumped at the chance to do something wild for and with Jesus.
Spontaneity means jumping on the bed without asking. Rolling down the windows without worrying about your hair. Grabbing your husband and skipping across the yard. Or grabbing a shopping cart and riding it across the Walmart parking lot. (Yes - it's been done!) 

What keeps us from spontaneity? The feeling that we just don't have the time. But Lazarus-types have all the time in the universe. It's a gift. 

And yet - you're still reading this instead of playing with the time you have.
Go do something! 

Suggested Scripture For Today: Matthew 6:25-36 

Suggested Ideas:

Ask Cyn [a wonderful member of our group who is particularly lively and an amazing spirit] about how to ride a shopping cart! 

Combine yesterday's note and today's and plan some intentional spontaneity. 

Do something you haven't done since you were ten years old. 

Call a friend out of the blue, pick them up in ten minutes, and head out without a plan. Tell us about it!

Question of the Day: How would Lazarus have looked at time differently? How would the 24 hours in a day be changed because of his experience? 

What?! You're still here?Ron

And my Day Five response:

Day Five: Hope - what a great word and such a difficult thing to hold on to. I have hope that I continue to always remember to keep my eyes and heart upward. I have hope that I have an unwavering faith regardless of whatever situation I am facing. I have hope that no matter what, God will help me meet my needs. I have hope that He has always got my back.

I have hope in so many things for my children, my friends, my family. Unfortunately, I also realize that I can pray for them for all the things for which I hope but I can't help them have hope, or faith for that matter.

On Thursday I had hope that Dalton would no longer feel hopeless. We got up and got going early and were in a borrowed vehicle doing some yard work. As a result, I didn't carefully check the clock against my own time (my phone) and we were an hour late getting to our appointment. Obviously the lady with who we were to meet wasn't available any longer. But God works in mysterious ways. I wasn't aware of it, but an old friend who had moved away from our area about a year ago was standing at the door watching me intently. When I turned I recognized her and we hugged. She explained how it was they were back in the area and then smiled and said she would be working with Dalton. I was immediately comforted! As was Dalton. It was wonderful. She and Dalton (and I) talked for over an hour. We go back again in two weeks and are so thankful! She gave him a little homework assignment and I am helping him keep it up. Each time someone says something ugly or disparaging - he is to repeat to himself - I am not what they are saying to me and I am not what they are describing. I am a great person, worthy of praise. I am a great friend and they are the ones mistaken and missing out. I will rise above all they say and do to me because I'm just that awesome!

Love it. Hope - it is so powerful...

The Lazarus Experiment - Day Four

Here at TLE, we strive to do things Laz would have done as a direct response to Jesus and his shouting us out of the tomb. Five words characterize our actions for forty days, Easter to Ascension Day. The actions we take are because of Jesus, for Jesus, with Jesus, and in Jesus. 

The five words that help frame our actions are:
Intentionality.
Spontaneity.
Vulnerability.
Gratitude.
Joy. 

Let's take these up in order the next five days. 

Intentionality is not just making plans. Not just dreaming about doing something. Not just intending. Intentionality is doing, acting, making plans happen.Planning is definitely a part of it. Dreaming and scheming and plotting and conspiring, too. But if that's all you ever do, it's not being intentional. It's just being lazy. 

If I was Lazarus - (this is, after all, the game we're playing) - I know one of the things I would stop doing is planning on doing something without doing something to do something. See what I'm doing there? 

I have way too many roads slathered with good intentions. If I died and then four days later got called out, I know beyond any doubt that after kissing Jesus and kissing my wife, I would take action on all the dreams and ideas and goals and determinations and really good thoughts I'd had before I kicked the bucket.

I'll come clean here: I go to bed every night with a list of things I'd intended to do. While some of them may be morally "iffy" (eat some donuts), others are really noble and good (call my cancer-fighting friend, read my Bible, write my novel, take a walk, paint the house, tell my neighbor about Jesus, yada, yada, yada). 

And - get this - I pat myself on my back and commend myself for my Godly list of good intentions. It's really quite stupid. Is it really the thought that counts? No, it is not.
Getting my head into Lazarus', I'm convinced he would have no more of those feeble, empty, "well-intentioned" but poorly executed lists.
Intentional new-life living involves plans made and carried out.
How? 

Try this: one plan, one goal, no list. 

For The Lazarus Experiment, an exercise: every night before going to bed, pray for one clear idea or plan for the next day. If God gives it to you right then, write it down and don't keep thinking about it. If he doesn't spring one into your heart at that time, sleep on it, with a pen and a pad near your bed. You'll find that you wake up with an idea. Write it down, and then determine to do it. Then do it. Don't shrink from the idea - chances are it will be outrageous and crazy and way beyond your comfort zone. Do it anyway. 

If you don't do it that day? Don't ask for another idea. Don't keep asking if you're not going to do it anyway. When you accomplish the plan, go to him for another one.Some of us have already made a list of things we might do on The Experiment. That's OK. But there are no holy brownie points for the list. Pick one thing on that list and do it. Today. It's the way Laz would have lived. 

New life, intentionally. That's what we're after. 

Suggested Scripture For Today: Matthew 25 

Suggested Ideas:

Ask your spouse to give you an idea.
Write a note and send it to someone without a real reason.
Dance. (Pictures!)
Break a cultural rule in Jesus' name.Question of the Day: Who are the first people Lazarus would want to spend time with after R-Day? (Resurrection Day).

You are all in my prayers. This is getting exciting.
Ron

And my response:

Day Four - since I missed yesterday and it's hard to catch up on yesterday's assignment today, I'll begin tonight. That being said, I am also beginning today with intention and clear direction.

Today my son begins treatment for one of the worst cases of bullying in our county. We have had him in treatment for Severe GERD, severe IBS and Severe Unknown Abdominal Pain to the point of vomiting 30-50 times each morning - 15-20 an hour sometimes. he has been vomiting blood (the origin of which was esophageal damage and has been repaired now) but the pain and tests he's endured have been extensive.

We had him at yet another specialists office and he finally blurted out the truth - He gets beaten up each day he goes to school. There area number of children who have bullied him for years now verbally but this has gotten physical. And it happens int he bathroom, it happens in crowded hallways, it happens on the bus where it's always so crowded you can get away with it. He's been beaten in the genitals with footballs and fists and the result is an injury for which surgery is required. His migraines have miraculously stopped since I withdrew him from his school. (He's not being hit in the head repeatedly!) He is currently being home bound educated and will continue to be until I can get him into a different school.

He has had only three days of upset stomach since I removed him.

Until another event night before last has caused yet another loss in his sweet life. Most of you know I lost my dear husband two years ago St. Patrick's day. Dalton is obviously still hurting from that. My precious father passed away on September 8th, 2012. Dalton's dog had to leave on Tuesday. He's gone through enough. I've been praying for the Lord to send me in the right direction for him to start developing better coping skills. I've prayed for the right people to be place in our path. I've prayed for someone to hear us loud and clearly and I think we've finally gotten it in place. Today we begin a new journey - one foot in front of the other.

Today I pray even harder and will pray harder tomorrow, that we are finally on the journey home to a healed and happy boy.

The Lazarus Experiment - Day Three

Oh how we love to divide up our lives into different categories, activities, attitudes, relationships. We love to organize them, arrange them, store them, like that drawer in your kitchen that holds all the gadgets and spatulas and whisks and knives. But, just like the drawer, things can get a little messy and sometimes dangerous. So we separate it all out again, in the attempt to control and manage. Sometimes we get ambitious and bring in some help - like one of those plastic organizers - to bring some sense to it.

And in one of those partitions we place the Holy Things. This is the Christian part of our lives. This is the church stuff, faith stuff, religious stuff. All tidy and organized in one part of the broad range of things which make up our lives.

Except there's a problem.

Everything's spiritual.

Nothing wakes you up to that reality, I suppose, like being dead and then coming back to life. The new vision Lazarus would have enjoyed post-death saw everything - EVERYTHING - as part of the whole, the complete banana, the entire realm of God's activity. After all, if Jesus can reach down into Sheol and pull you out, ain't nowhere he can't reach. And if he can reach it, it's his.

When Paul described our new lives in Christ, he didn't say "Your spiritual life will become like new!" He didn't say, "Your church involvement will have new vitality!" He said, "Look! ALL THINGS NEW!"

Everything's spiritual.

That doesn't mean that sin doesn't exist. In fact, it's spiritual. It's not good, not holy, not advisable, not healthy. But it's still under the umbrella of life. Truth: we like to take sin out of the spiritual slot in our organizational system because that makes it seem less sinful. "This is just a habit. Just something that I have to live with." No. It's spiritual. It's wrong - but it's spiritual.

Take the partitions down. Stop trying in vain to control your life by saying, "This is what is Christian about my life, and this is what is not." Don't say that one activity is more spiritual or Christianly than another. Driving your car? Spiritual. Eating your toast? Spiritual. Making love to your wife? Spiritual. Washing the dishes? Spiritual. Doing something outrageously fun and spontaneously crazy? Spiritual.


Go be spiritual. God is in this.

Suggested Scripture For Today: Colossians 3

Suggested Ideas: Remember! Be intentional. Don't just "plan" on doing something, and don't just come to the end of your day and "find" something you did. 

1. Offer ten compliments to random people. 

1. Give a tip in the restaurant that takes the server's breath away. (Don't forget to leave a Laz Card!) 

1. Smile at someone until they smile back. 

1. Go to a clean joke site and memorize three jokes. Then make sure you tell them to three people you've never met before. 

It's going to be a great day!
Ron

My response today is short and sweet....

Day 3 - Day three was amazing. today my daughter in law and I crossed onto a bridge - each of us starting at opposite ends. We met in the middle with an "I love you". It's been a long time since an I love you was exchanged. It's been a long time since she and I were able to laugh together and come together to do anything. We found some joy, let somethings go and started over. We had a wonderful blessed day (and visited that gorgeous little baby girl too!). God has put such riches in my pockets lately!

The Lazarus Experiment - Day Two

You don't have to wait.

In the story about Lazarus' death-changing experience, waiting is a central theme. The air is thick with it.

Jesus is contacted to come to the aid of his friend, since he is on his deathbed. The family knows that Jesus can stop the morbid process. But Jesus hangs back. Tension builds.

Jesus finally makes his way to Bethany, but it's too late. Lazarus is dead. And the implication is that Jesus is at fault. Martha meets Jesus on the road to tell him the news, and to inquire - gently - about his tardiness. Jesus tells Martha that her brother, Laz, will rise again.

"I know he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." Martha affirmed truth. It's nice to hope. Good to have something to get us through the dark times, the dead zones. It doesn't stop the mourning, but it may dull the sting.

But . . .

Jesus does not intend for Martha to wait. He does not intend for Lazarus, his dear friend, to languish in death. Jesus intends to shout into the nether-regions and bring Laz out. Not then, not in the sweet-by-and-by. Not "on the last day."  Now. NOW. RIGHT NOW!

II Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 
You don't have to wait.

Suggested Scripture For Today: Psalm 30
 
Suggested Ideas: 

1. Take a walk in the rain.

1. Hold someone's hand for an almost inappropriately long time.

1. Print out and cut out the Lazarus Cards to hand to people over the next weeks.

1. Message five people who you don't contact very often and tell them something great about them.

1. Do something crazy for April Fools' Day!

Hope your day is alive.

Ron

Gosh this stuff is so so good!

Here is my response to day two:

day 2 - April 1 was indeed a day of joy! Bittersweet joy in many way but joy nonetheless. A dear baby was born this day to a young lady whom we all hoped would be my second daughter in law. As fate would have it, she and my son were not intended to be. Through my son's love of the Lord and his own gentle spirit, he was able to look past the hurt and find a friendship with his ex-fiance and in doing so opened the doors to she and I continuing a relationship once again. Ordinarily I would have said this would have been awkward and unhealthy. But - this young lady has had a difficult and tumultuous upbringing - unstable and rocky. Her mother was verbally abusive and neglectful. The parents divorced when this young lady (third of five children) was young and a resentful mother (who was the instigator - you know how green the grass is on the other side of the fence - until you get there) and refused contact between the father and the children. When they were allowed to see their dad, the exchanges were horrid and filled with anger and sadness for the children. As the children grew older they were able to look past their mother's anger and find a relationship with their father that is much different now but the damage done to their ego's over the years is great. This young lady is a very young 20, and sweet, generous and giving while also hot headed, rocky and unsettled. I have tried to help fill the gaps showing her how a loving family operates, how we interact, how we work together to solve issues, how we trust, converse, behave, and - well - love. When they broke up, it was over the idea that she never wanted children and my son wanted at least two. She had stuck her feet in the ground on it and so had he. They split up and she went back to her old boyfriend (whom she had been seeing behind my son's back apparently). Five months later she was pregnant and unmarried and frustrated. 

But God is good - this young lady who was adamant and stuck in the mud found her way out, is still with this young man and is not planning a future with him. On Monday they welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world. I have heard things said by these two young people I never expected to hear and I have seen a love and generosity of spirit in my son that is overwhelming. I am confident all three of these young people and this beautiful little baby are on their way to allowing a healing of spirit and heart that took a lot longer to break. I pray for His love to continue to guide and strengthen them all. And I thank him for the joy and the miracles only He can bring us.

The Lazarus Experiment - Day One

This year, our Lazarus Experiment is being run a little differently and Ron (our pastor/leader) is giving us some prompts and verses; some direction if you will.  I'll do my best to include his direction and my post as a result.

Here's day one!

John 11:40

    Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
It's all a matter of perspective.

I know you may not believe this, my being a pastor and all, but sometimes my wife and I have disagreements. When that happens, it is always - ALWAYS - an issue of perspective. We see things differently, from different angles. In order to resolve the situation, we have to see through one another's eyes. We have to merge our perspectives.

Perspective is the direction, condition, health, and quality of your vision. How do you think Lazarus' vision changed once the bandages were unwrapped and his eyes adjusted to the light? How did he see differently? What did he change about his approach to life, his approach to people, his approach to Jesus? How did being brought back from death alter his perspective?

This is the question we will spend the next forty days answering. We will dig through all of our lives to discover how new life in Christ Jesus changes the way we look at things and people and God.

It's just this simple: Putting trust in Jesus means you have a brand new life - all things have become new. Death is finished. Life is offered abundantly. Don't you think that should leak into every part of us to bring light and vitality? Of course.

Pray today that God would open the eyes of your heart, starting right now, today - Resurrection Day - to see life with Lazarus-eyes.

And do something today - just one little thing - that dramatically, intentionally, reflects your new vision.

Suggested Scripture For Today: John 11 - the story of Lazarus' new life.

Suggested Ideas:

1. Go outside and sing an Easter hymn loud enough for the neighbors to hear. 

1. Tell three people why you're smiling so much.

1. Read John 11 out loud to your spouse and/or kids.

1. Invite ten friends to join our group with you.

Welcome to The Lazarus Experiment! I'm praying your perspective will never be the same again!

Ron

Any my post:

Day One - Difficult times physically caused me to miss church this year for Easter. Funny how those disappointments can open doors to repairing bruised relationships. I had been leaving the hurt in God's hands knowing in His time repairs would begin. That afternoon my daughter in law and I were able to begin talking again about our relationship and rebuilding. It's been rocky at best and now I can say we are working together to build a better foundation. God, in His wisdom, took a day of ultimate love and forgiveness and allowed me to begin anew. What a gift and blessing I received. God is so very good!

Catching up and getting ready...

It's that wonderful time of year when the Lazarus Experiment happens again and this year has found me in a whole different place... I'm not sure if emotionally I'm ready for it this year.  I think I am.  But I also know that in the last year so many things have changed.

The "spat" I had with my bestie last year really changed me completely.  It gave me an opportunity to see what was really important in my life and what was bogging me down.  When a relationship reaches it's end, do you always know?  When it seems to have run it's course, do you know?

I'm not sure we always do until we begin to feel the weight of it in ways that affect other areas of our lives.  It's a shame we don't.  We could save ourselves heart ache, sickness in some cases, and a lot of sleepless nights wondering.  It would be awesome if somewhere, someone were to put a little whisper in our ear that says, "Um, just so you know, this has run it's course and it's time for you to move on.  There's someone else out there who is better suited to you and who you are, where you are, what you want out of life.  Say your goodbyes and gently bow out while you can before it gets snotty nosed crocodile tear-ed ugly. K? K."

And sometimes we get those whispers but because we are wrapped up in that relationship, we don't always hear them well.  And sometimes - and this is the kicker - we hear it but we don't pay attention because that relationship is familiar and comfortable and letting it go means stepping out into your "un-comfortable zone" and allowing yourself to be vulnerable again.  Lord have mercy that's so hard.

At any rate, as life would have it last year saw the 75% demise of one relationship, the building of another and death and birth..... Life last year was hard, bittersweet, lovely, beautiful and ugly.  Never easy.  No... never easy.....

Just a quick recap - Taylor and his girl of two years broke up for the third and final time. A dear friend began chemo and radiation treatments for throat cancer.  I got my second "dear John" letter from my bestie and, after having accepted her apology and renewing our relationship, seven years later we were in the same place as before.....  Mistreat me once - shame on you.  Mistreat me twice, shame on me.  So yeah - shame on me.  My  birthday in May was uneventful... kind of lonely.... kind of sad.... kind of fun.  I went to hear Dalton play in the All County Elementary strings concert and also the Spring All County Elementary Choral Concert.  He is so very talented.  I was oh so proud!!

My relationship with another dear friend was growing stronger and stronger and I recognized suddenly how similar we both are.  We began spending a lot of time with each other and developing a bond that was very sister like and fulfilling.  In a way I had not felt in very many people.  I can count on one hand the number of people with whom I've felt that bond.  Kevin certainly was at the top of the list.

June saw the end of 5th grade, vacation at Lake Anna with such fun and wonderful friends, the death of my dear uncle Hill and my dad's move from his home of 25 years to a retirement community.  BUSY!

July saw a tornado, my son and his pregnant (YEAH!) wife moving back into my home, a lot of time (95% of the month) at my dad's house helping manage his bills, taking care of his move and his needs and "living" with my sister at Dad's house in Richmond.

August came and with it came more busy time with Daddy, trying to help reorganize space in the house, and more time with Daddy.  Two days into a weekend home I got a call saying he had fallen and sustained a fairly nasty head injury.  With someone in his 80's, which Parkinson's Plus (Parkinson's with a mild dementia component) this had potential to be catastrophic.

September came and school was right around the corner.  We got home from Richmond the day before school started.  There was much to do and Daddy wasn't doing well but Dalton's success in school (he was entering Middle School - oh my stars where does time go???) was paramount.   Daddy didn't fare this well at all and he passed away on September 8th.  We (my sister, our "brother" Gray and I) were with him as he took his last breath and joined Momma.  It was a blessing to be there with him and, God love him, he did it "his way" the whole way.

The week following Daddy's passing was a whirlwind of activity and trauma and sadness and business (and busy-ness) and joy and laughter and tears and gatherings.  It was good and bad and everything in between.  Emotionally, we were not sure whether to be relieved or sad.  Ultimately I still have some residual anger because technically, daddy should still be with us.  If the doctor had listened to me, he would never have fallen.  If the doctor hadn't dismissed my concerns we would still have my daddy.  But the doctor is the doctor and daddy is daddy and it is too late for me to be "beating a dead horse" because it isn't going to change a darn thing.  I have to learn to let go of my anger and my frustration and simply revel in the glory Daddy knows as a norm now.  Because that's exactly what he gained that day - Glory!

October brought an increase in Dalton's illnesses once again.  Trips to MCV, to CHKD, to so many doctors and specialists. No answers just tests, tests and more sickness.

November brought the arrival of my sweet grandson.  He is gloriously precious and beautiful and adorable and oh so much goodness and joy!  He looks just like his daddy and is just so incredibly special.

December was lean but good and fun buying little baby gifts this time around.  Little tiny clothes and little tiny diapers oh my goodness!  The tensions in the house began to climb a little and frustrations began to grow.  How could they not?  So many people under one roof.  So many "cooks in the kitchen".  It really is a recipe for disaster.

Suffice it to say, the stew began to boil over, the lid blew off the pot, the you-know-what hit the fan and before I knew it there was a lot of unrest in the house.

All that is settled now and rebuilding is occurring.  It's nice.  Guarded but nice.

March was tough.  I still cannot seem to get passed Mom's passing.  Every single February finds me emotionally charged.  When March 3rd arrives I generally am able to suddenly let go!  Well now that Kev's passing is so close to mom's, it just doesn't let go like it used to.  March 3rd, we had dinner in honor of momma.  March 17th, we had the family in for dinner to honor Kevin.  It was way too cold to let off balloons so we'll do that again later on - on a date important to the two of us.  And, magically, our emotions deflated and lost their edge on the morning of the 18th.

March also saw us at CHKD once again to try and find out why little boy cannot stop throwing up.  I had had enough and drove him to the CHKD ER for an "in" into their Gastro department.  We scored an appointment two days later!  Within moments of the doctor's arrival in the room, Dalton looked at her and in response to her "What brings you here today Dalton?" he replies, "Well, I'm sick of being bullied and beaten up."

What???  Beaten up?  WHAT?

The doctor said that IBS is a stress related problem and with the throwing up and the clear tests for Celiac's Disease, she was kind of at a loss so she was asking Dalton for his help in figuring it all out.  He said there was one boy who was pretty big who was hitting him in his head multiple times a day.  There was another boy who kept hitting him in his "boy" parts.  There was another calling him "A long haired - yellow toothed freak"  another girl who didn't even know him who would tell him "I think my world would be a better place if you just didn't exist."  And yet another who told him several times, "I know why your dad died.  He did so he didn't have to grow old with a disappointment like you for a son."  My son was emotionally and physically and psychologically so damaged, vomiting was all he could manage.

I immediately took him out of school and have been having him home bound educated while the school system determines whether to grant us a transfer to a different middle school.  So far, so good but he's so far behind, I'm concerned he may not be able to catch up.

Then there's the whole surgery he will have to undergo to correct the "hitting me in the boy parts" problem.  Yeah - it's that bad..........

So, moving on.  I've been participating in a monthly Vendor Fair where I have been selling my jewelry and having such fun meeting people and making new contacts.  I'll be doing this once a month through October and hope to get my store up and running soon.  So much inspiration this time of year so I hope to get a lot of new things made too.

March also saw my dear new sister having to go away for a while. She will be away for anywhere from one to three years depending on how much of the program she is able to complete in as much time.  We will have written communication and some (infrequent) phone conversation but no face to face contact.  Dalton and I are both struggling to deal with this but we knew this day was coming.  It will okay and I know it's all going to be for the better but in the meantime, I feel like my sister, whom I had only recently found again, was taken from me and that's hard to reconcile for myself, much less little boy.

Easter was beautiful  I was sick and didn't make it to church but was able to attend services on television which, while it's not my favorite way to celebrate His Rising, it had to do!  It was lovely having some quiet time with Dalton that day too where we weren't rushed to accomplish everything.  We had a nice leisurely day of thankgiving.

It's now time for The Lazarus Experiment and I'm looking forward to the renewal.  40 days of living like Lazarus would having been raised from the dead.  40 days of renewal, of new life.  I'm excited and hope I'm able to give it the attention it deserves this year.  Attention I deserve this year.  I need this renewal to be able to some of my pieces together and move forward.

I leave you all with my prayer for His love to comfort and strengthen you.  To replenish you as He is replenishing the earth and renewing life and lives. I leave you with my prayer for all good things to surround you, riches to befall you (not to be mistaken with financial wealth because honestly which one is better?), for you to have good health physically, emotionally and spiritually.  To always look up and never down.

God's love and peace!
Lissa